Marriage and Heavy Metal Addiction

We, poor headbangers, always have trouble dealing with normal human beings. Nobody understands our passion for heavy guitars, piledriver drums and high pitched or gutural vocals.

This situation reaches dramatic levels when the headbanger decides to marry. Everybody knows that marriage has a very thin line of equilibrium, easily ruined by hours and hours of Heavy Metal exposure. So, for those who face that same challenge, here are a few tips and tricks about your desired behavior.


Be present in crucial moments, like: house cleaning, maintenance, climbing stairs to keep stuff in the closet out of sight;

2. Do a great job at bed, she will thank you a lot;

3. Remember to kiss her every six hours listening to music;

4. Give her a credit card.

Tell her it??s limitless. Then, go to your bank manager and ask for a loan, $30.000,00 minimum;

5. Keep hidden those pictures where you??re wearing tighten jeans, long hair and spike bracelets;

6. If you have any picture with corpse paint, burn it;


Don??t wear your inverted cross pendant in your son??s baptism;

8. Keep those photos you took of your son wearing a Metallica??s shirt deep in a drawer;

9. Never, I mean, never, complain about HER son listening to dance music;


Buy a good pair of ear phones;

11. Always pretend to be sleeping when using the ear phones, so she doesn??t grab the CD player and throw it off the window when she calls you and get no answer.

If you try hard these healthful habits, maybe she will still tolerate your CD collection for the coming 10 or 15 years. After that period it doesn??t matter, they??ll complain anyway.

Oh, but this is only valid if you??re not Lemmy. In that case, you don??t give a shit about her, and order her to bring you a beer.


About the Author (text)Alexandre Horta writes about music, mainly Heavy Metal, in his blog Dente Preto (


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